Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Honolulu Blue and Silver Groundhog with Black Accents?


Dear Ford Family,

I’ve been a Lions fan since 1993, the year Groundhog Day was released. Over the 20 years certain things are constants, or nearly constant with regard to your franchise. The list is long. In no particular order and off the top of my head (Please feel free to add):

1. Season records no better than 10-6, usually sub .500

2. If a playoff appearance, first round, loss.

3. Undisciplined football (one of the most penalized teams in league).

     a. defensive pass interference calls drawn by savvy critically times deep  balls by opponents
     b. defensive offside calls on third and long/medium creates third and manageable for opponents

     c. defensive personal fouls on third down do same

     d. Offensive holding nullifies either:

         i. third down conversion
         ii. fourth down conversion
         iii. score

4. Pass defense regularly burned for long gainers. Defensive backs unable to turn around and look for ball.
5. Propensity to make opposing 2nd string QBs look like superstars.

6. Psychologically frail. Usually unable to overcome 3 (a,b,c,d,), 4 above, or following:

7. Dropped passes to open receiver

8. Interceptions off tips or overthrows

9. Fumbles

10. Mediocre draft results. Only one very talented player allowed on team at any one time.

11. Coaching carousel with attendant cycle of hope, cynicism from fan base.

12. Each year, some number of longtime fans gives up, become “Lions Free”® to some degree. (Think degrees of a Masonic Lodge here)

13. New fans take their place, counsel optimism. Begin life cycle that will end in (12)

14, Generations come and go that have not seen a championship

15. Parents attempt to impart Stoic wisdom vis Lions to children. Children eventually learn the cycle, grow up, pass wisdom next generation. Rinse and repeat

16. Some number of lower degree Lions Free® fans kick themselves for getting sucked into a season that borders on decent, after that season falls apart. They become Lions Free® higher degree fans from that point on

16. Lose at Lambert…er..Lambeau Field

17. Lose to Eagles

18. Media overestimate talent level

19. Ford family ownership

20. Ford family ownership

Due to its uniquely unchanging and repetitive nature, the Detroit Lions organization needs to replace Bubbles the iconic flyin’ lion-in-profile.

 I suggest another profile, Honolulu blue and silver, with black accents, of Phil, the Groundhog. 

Obviously, this choice is appropriate because Lions fan is in a situation analogous to Phil the weatherman, Bill Murray’s character in the 1993 film.

Obviously, the choice is appropriate because the Lions organization is in a situation analogous to Murray’s character. 

Since I had the misfortune of becoming a Lion fan that year, I think Phil is perfect.

My primitive graphic art skills:

OK, not really Honolulu Blue, but it's the best I can do.

Just needs some black accents.


Lions Free 32nd Degree