Monday, December 20, 2010

Eagerly awaited answer to Star Wars Analogy Test question #324842.

With an explanation as to why it is clearly the best SWAT answer (although the board of review here at the Princeton test preparation school, Ice Planet Hoth, is willing to listen to arguments for other possible answers. Be forewarned though. We are highly skeptical.

Michael Moore is to Jabba the Hut as Julian Assange is to.......




Salacious B. Crumb


The original question made reference to two things of note. Firstly, the relationship that exists between the two pair. In the case of Mikey the Hut and Julian Assange, it is clear that the relationship is a friendly one, based no doubt, on certain shared values. As well, Mikey is more or less playing the role of patron to Brave Sir Julian, in that he offered 20,000 Quatloos...er..Dollars toward Asschapeau's bail.

In the case of Jabba the Hut and Salacious B. Crumb, we see, in the opening scenes at Jaba's palace, that Jabba envelops Salacious in his fulsomeness, a sort of protector of the smaller creature's vulnerabilities. No doubt there is a financial dependency as well. Someone has to be paying Salacious's way. Who else would it be than Jabba?

Now, this brings us to our second point of similarity. The original question pointed you toward the similarities in relative physiques. On the one hand, Mikey is rather large, compared to most human beings. Jabba apparently is grossly overweight, even by Hut standards. On the other hand, Julian Assange has rightly been described as "waif-like", not only in complexion and visage, but in terms of body mass (or lack thereof). Needless to say Salacious B. Crumb is also waif-like in the latter respect, but his looks are not likely to attract many groupies or hangers on, as is the case with the mysteriously attractive man of mystery, Assange. [Now, we here at the Princeton Prep Academy, Ice Planet Hoth do admit this disparity. It does show up the analogy for what it is; an analogy].

Now, as to the most pressing counter to this answer, the most likely second best option as SWAT answer: It is clearly incorrect to have answered with "Princess Leia" Here's why:

1. Leia and Jabba share no values.
2. Mikey is not attractive, Brave Sir Julian is not attractive. So, the missing entity must also be unattractive.
3. Mikey is morally reprobate, Brave Sir Julian is morally reprobate. So too must the missing entity be, yes? (So sayeth Yoda)
4. Leia looks good in a metal bikini. Assange does not (according to leaked documents from The Guardian).

Feel free to comment.

εἰρωνεία thy name is Assange


Brave Sir Julian's "second" is quite miffed that their erstwhile friends at the U.K Guardian have seen fit to print leaked material.

The material has to do with the rape charges against Brave Sir Julian of course.



In a move that surprised many of Mr Assange's closest supporters on Saturday, The Guardian newspaper published previously unseen police documents that accused Mr Assange in graphic detail of sexually assaulting two Swedish women. One witness is said to have stated: "Not only had it been the world's worst screw, it had also been violent."

Bjorn Hurtig, Mr Assange's Swedish lawyer, said he would lodge a formal complaint to the authorities and ask them to investigate how such sensitive police material leaked into the public domain. "It is with great concern that I hear about this because it puts Julian and his defence in a bad position," he told a colleague.


You are freaking kidding, right? In the words of one nameless person quoted in the story: "Hoist by his own petard."

Indeed.